


You've Shattered My Soul But Still I Love You

by General_Midnight_of_Ardar



Series: Time Travel Stories of Mine [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Anakin gets so upset, Angst, But they will not be Anakin's in this, Canon Divergence - Battle of Mustafar, Dear god someone give Obi-wan a hug, He's like the awesome Jedi uncle, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Luke and Leia will exist, M/M, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Obi-Wan Needs a Hug, Padmé and Anakin are just friends, Poor Obi-Wan, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Protective Obi-Wan, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-05-24 20:11:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14961389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/General_Midnight_of_Ardar/pseuds/General_Midnight_of_Ardar
Summary: The battle on Mustafar goes differently. Obi-wan loses and Vader wins. Just before Vader can strike however the force decides it's had enough of it's beautiful knight being put through pain and pulls Obi-wan through time. He lands on the floor of the council room in front of himself, his very-much-light padawan and the council. But he doesn't know that he has gone back in time. Oh dear.Please read and give it a go!





	1. If Only You Could See What You've Done To My Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first out of many Star Wars Fics! Hope you enjoy....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is my first out of many Star Wars Fics! Hope you enjoy....

Black boots tapped on ash coved, iron walkways high above the raging lava of Mustafar. A man stalked forward, looking for all the world, a lion hunting its vulnerable prey.

His foot came into contact with a fallen lightsabre, it’s hilt scuffed and marked. Lifting it, the robed man ignited the blade, green light shining into the face of the sith who held it. Sneering the man threw it over the edge of the metal catwalk into the lava below, remembering with bitter satisfaction how his Master always told how _your lightsabre is your life_. How fitting, as the man would soon lose his.

The small part inside him that used to be Anakin twisted and screamed, fighting tooth, nail and claw against the idea, sobbing at the idea of harming someone he loved. Vader slammed shields down around that small place and shut off the cries.

_He bought this on himself_ he thought _He could have been my Emperor, ruled by my side but he refused!_ And for that he deserved to die. _No_ a part of him begged _No please I’ll do anything but please don’t hurt him I love him **pleas**_ -

He slammed the shields down harder, rage filling him. **No**. He did not love him, he hated him yes. Hatred. Turning he surveyed the smoke filled area around him, staring coldly into the blackened air. Stalking forward he made his way to the slumped form, lying prone against the centre spire of the metal frame. Lifting his hand in a fluid, familiar manner

( _-lifting it to choke Padmé, moving droid parts as a child, summoning his lightsabre too him when fighting the sith-)_

and carefully lifted the man upright in a full body force hold, and nudged the man to consciousness, with the cruelty of a cat waking it’s captured bird in order to play with it before it dies. The oh so familiar, slate grey eyes opened, blinking as though it would clear the nightmare from his view. Struggling when he realised that it was reality.  Forcing the broken man into a kneel

_(-where he should be, the light at his boots, bowing to the darkness-)_ ignited the blue blade ( _blue signifies a warrior Anakin_ ) of the Jedi he killed ( _Anakin is dead, dead, dead, he **killed** him, he was **sure** -a little part of him wasn’t) _

and held it to the neck of the man in front of him and sneered.

 

That familiar blue blade was at his neck as he looked up into the oh so yellow, so yellow eyes of the sith, a fresh wave of grief ripping through him.

_Oh force. How had he failed_ _so **completely** , so **utterly** , that the one person he loved more than **any other** had fallen to the dark_.

Guilt and grief weighed down his mind as he stared into those burnished, cruel eyes. The lips of the man above him lifted into a cold, triumphant smirk, so like and yet unlike the man he used to be that the shards of Obi-wans soul shattered just that little more.

"Well Obi-wan?" The man snarled "Whatever shall you do now. You've failed. The Jedi are dead, the order has fallen and soon you too, shall be dead. But oh well. I gave you a choice. You could have joined me but no! You stayed with your pathetic light and for that I hate you! I hate you!"

Obi-wan felt as if he had fallen from the catwalk he knelt upon into the fiery lava below, pain, grief and guilt tearing through him, heart torn in two. 

_I did this_ he thought _oh force I did this, I failed, I failed Anakin, failed him, failed him, failedhim, failedhimfailedhimfailedhimfailedanakinn- there is no Anakin anymore. Only Vader._

Pained grey eyes meet yellow as the blue lightsaber lifted and it began to swing downwards-

 

Obi-wan and Anakin where standing before the council reporting on their most recent encounter with Ventress. "-but the troopers were able to take the battle droids by surprise by splitting into three groups and surprising them from the sides and front. Ventress fled and-" when the force shifted and out of thin air a man collapsed onto the floor of the council chamber. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I think we all feel for poor Obi-wan here. And maybe a touch for Anakin. But never for Vader. Never for Vader. Now don't get too mad but *Hides from heart-broken, angry Star Wars fans* it will get worse before it gets better. But please stick with me, keep reading and kudos and comment, they make my day.


	2. I Never Thought I Would See You Again-But Now I Have And I'm Still Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on You've Shattered My Soul But Still I Love You;  
> Obi-Wan dueled Vadar on Mustafar-he lost but the force intervened and he landed on the floor of the council chamber. 
> 
> Now for everyone's reactions.

Dead.

Absolute.

Silence.

Then chaos.

The council members reacted quickly, each drawing a blade until the room was filled with blue and greens and a single deep purple. Only two withheld from drawing their weapons.

Master Yoda did not, only looked at the unknown individual lying on the tiled floor, with large sad, all-knowing eyes, ears drooping as he listened to the force, as it whispered tales of pain and grief and fire.

_Protect this man_ It said _Protect my champion. Do not fail me, my child_.

 

Knight Anakin Skywalker was the second to not draw his blade, staring with horror at the fallen figure, clumsily feeling at the bond that had appeared in his mind when the man appeared. He touched it gently, unsure what to do.

The bond….it was broken. Shattered. Twisted beyond comprehension, and yet he still felt an overwhelming push, an overwhelming desire to fix it. To help this man, provide him with every comfort, to hold him whilst he cried. To right some wrong that he could not remember doing.

_Why would it matter if he **had** done anything, he **needed** to help him, fix him, hold him, help him, help him, helphim, helphimhelphimhelpObi-wanhelphim-_

\- and he wrenched his mind away from the bond with a barely restrained gasp.  He had….. never had a reaction like that before. He frowned, not even realising that the council had drawn their weapons or that his Master was giving him a concerned look that would have usually have him leaping to reassure the man that he was fine.

_Why?.....Why would he have such a reaction? Why in the name of the force was this man so familiar? He felt-well he almost felt a bit like his Master. But that was ridiculous. His Master wasn’t that…..shattered_.

Like everything worth living for had been destroyed. Like their was no light in the world. Anakin had felt, though brief, the mans despair along the bond. His Master would **never** feel like that. Anakin would do anything to make certain of that.

 

Master Obi-Wan Kenobi was…..concerned. His ex-padawan now knight wasn’t responding to him, no matter how much he called and prodded at him over their bond. Slowly backing from the bond into his own mind, he finally fully looked at his ex-padawan.

His normally rash brother-in-arms had not drawn his lightsabre, instead only stared at the man with a thoughtful expression on his face. Slowly Master Obi-wan lowered his own saber and shut of the blade.

If his brother did not deem this man a threat, did not draw his blade then Obi-Wan would not either. He would trust him with his life, and with this matter. But if this meant that Obi-Wan got injured saving Anakin’s life due to his misjudgement he was going to hold it against his padawan for the entirety of two moons.

 

Obi-wan felt awful. His head was pounding, his body felt as it did that time Anakin crashed their ship

( _I know it was a bit of a rough landing Master but everyone’s alright, right Cody? Rex? Snips you okay?_ )

He let out a soft moan, feeling battered and bruised, like he’d just been in a spar with Anakin and come out on the losing side and- _Anakin!_ He scrambled to sit upright and the world spun, colours spinning and sound roared in his ears, and then there was someone there, anchoring him holding him up by the elbow, kneeling beside him, his anchor in the sudden storm. He looked up pushing away memories of what he had been through

( _oh please, please let them have been a nightmare **please** , he doesn’t think he could **cope** if they weren’t.)_

_(He knows they were real)_

_(oh force **please**_ )

and looks up, straight up into the eyes of someone he loved, who betrayed him and shattered his heart. Someone who’s blue eyes stared back into his grey with care, calm and dawning horror and recognition.

 

Anakin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay again don't kill me for the feels *peeks from hiding place and ducks back upon seeing upset people withholding kudos* but i did say it would get worse before it got better. Ashoka will come into this eventually but next chapter we have to deal with the fallout. To the people who review, you are the most amazing people ever, and too those of you who Kudos thank you so much. You all make me so happy when you do that :)


	3. How Dare You Say You Do Not Know The Knife Your Own Hand Wielded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on You've Shattered My Soul But Still I Love You:  
> He looked up pushing away memories of what he had been through   
> (oh please, please let them have been a nightmare please, he doesn’t think he could cope if they weren’t. (He knows they were real) oh force please)   
> and looks up, straight up into the eyes of someone he loved, who betrayed him and shattered his heart. Someone who’s blue eyes stared back into his grey with care, calm and dawning horror and recognition. 
> 
> Anakin.

Anakin watched as the man tried to push himself upwards on trembling arms, and darted forward when he swayed, head bowed so that he could not see the mans face. But in that moment, it did not matter.

Darting forward, ignoring his Master’s cry of surprise, he knelt beside him and held him up, providing him with a

( _it was familiar, oh so familiar, as if he’d done it before_ )

hand on his arm and support. The man shook his head, as though to clear it and looked up, familiar slate grey eyes locking with pale blue. Anakin….he couldn’t **_breath._**

**** _It-it was **impossible** , he-he-this man could **not be** his Master, his master did not hold such **pain** in his eyes, such grief_

but he knew and the force it curled around him and-

_Do not fail him_ it said _be his anchor in the storm. Help him, heal him, **do not hurt him again**_

-and the voice fell away, leaving the steady comfort of the force at his fingertips. But still he could not tear his eyes from the frozen form of the man in front of him. Carefully taking in the face before him, without truly breaking eye contact, he noted that it was not quite the same.

There where lines there, lines of laughter and weariness, marks of fear and marks of pain. He had a faded scar, barely noticeable, on his forehead, as though he had been hit over the head with a blaster. But the feature that drew him back, time and time again, was his eyes. Just looking into those eyes, Anakin knew for certain that this was his Master. _But how?_ Searching now, calm as he could be

( _emotions swirling under his skin, fear, horror, pain, anger, grief, hope, love_ )

looking carefully for what he did not know. There was fear in those eyes, partially hidden by grief

 ( _Who had hurt his love? Who had dared lay hand on him, and made him scared, made him grieve?_ )

And there was love there too, buried deep behind the grief, and mounting horror.

These where the eyes of a man who had been through hell and come out the other side, the eyes of a man who had been betrayed again and again until it became expectation, the eyes of a man whose hope was so far gone it seemed like a star in the void of the galaxy.

And even the vague idea that his beloved Master could become this broken terrified him. And he swore once again to never let that happen.

But what do you do when the person your are trying to protect has already been through it?

 

Master Kenobi was this close to grabbing his padawan by the back of his robes and hauling him backwards like an unruly Tooka.

This.

 Close.

_What was he thinking, was he insane? The had no idea of knowing who in the name of the force that man was!_

He internally growled, fear racing through him. That close to the unknown figure there was no possible way for Anakin to draw his weapon in time to defend himself if the figure made a move. He closed his eyes, racing through the bond connecting them until he near slammed into the suddenly constructed fortress of walls around his ex-padawans mind.

_Padawan!_ he yelled _Let me in! You are not safe, we don’t know who that is, whoever it is you can’t trust the-_ When all of a sudden, the barriers disappeared and he could see as though he had Anakin’s eyes.

He was looking upon a face he saw daily in the mirror, albeit older, more pained, but all the same it was **his** face! Paling rapidly, he pulled back from his padawans mind enough to be able to talk to him, share emotions and nothing more.

_Padawan_ he called, gentle this time _Dear one please, no matter what it seems, come back to me, stand up and come back to my side. Then we can discover who this man is. He is not me dear one. I stand behind you. Come back._

He watched as his beloved padawan stood, moving back to his side as though in deep shock (Understandibly so Master Kenobi thought After all, men do not fall to the floor everyday in this temple, (apart from the one time Mace fainted, but that was another story) on the most part)

And when his dearest was once again in arms reach, he reached out and guides the shell-shocked man to his side, gently soothing the younger man through their bond. Once he was certain his ex-padawan was able to stand without shaking, he turned his gaze to the man on the floor, face turning as hard as durasteel.

The figure was shaking, mumbling to themselves, disbelief radiating even through shields so strong, it was more akin to a fortress than walls. Narrowing his eyes even further, Master Kenobi turned slightly, wrapping an arm around Anakin and tugging him to his side in a one-armed hug. He would protect his padawan even at the cost of his life. If this stranger **dared** to even attempt to harm his padawan, he would have to go through Master Kenobi first.

 

Obi-Wan had gone mad. Of that he was very, **very** certain. There was no other explanation. He had been very certain that he was dead. He remembered seeing the shimmering blue blade arcing towards him, remembered the split-second pain as it hit him, darkness falling over him, the force tugging him onward. But he had **_felt_** him. Felt his worry, his comforting presence, his compassion. It didn’t make sense. Slowly he removed his hands from his face, bracing them upon the ground and pushed himself upwards until he was standing, ignoring the shocked gasps from the illusions around him.

  _If he hadn’t gone mad_ he reasoned than _this was most likely some strange hell created by the sith._

Looking up he meet eyes with the shocked ones of the old Jedi council. He turned and came face to face with the fake Anakin and……himself? What?

_Why in all the galaxy would Vadar choose to include another one of him_ he wondered _Probably to drive me crazy_

Obi-Wan looked over the figures now in front of him. Anakin was staring at him in horror, looking almost precisely like he had two years ago in the first year of the Clone Wars when they had only just received their troops. The other Kenobi was staring at him with undisguised shock, confusion and a small amount of fear leaking into the force around him.

“Who…..who did this to you?”

The soft horrified voice brought him out of the analysis and he locked eyes once again with the illusion of his padawan as anger replaced horror on the mans face. Obi-Wan was confused. Angry. **Hurt**. Even if this was just a hallucination conjured  by Vader he should still know **exactly who had hurt him this way!** The emotions tumbled and turned within him for what seemed like hours, even though it was only seconds, until he near hurled the words at the blue eyed man in front of him

**“You did!”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm back! Sorry bout the wait, exams are not a fun writing time. To all you out there still suffering through, you can do it! And to all those on holidays, relax. It's over. Now i hope you like the chapter and please, please, please comment and kudos, you are all amazing and they make my day!


	4. You Cannot Hold The World Alone For It Shall Always Come Crashing Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And his only thought was
> 
> Force save us
> 
> And although he did not expect a response, in the back of his mind a voice whispered softly
> 
> I tried. And so did you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter is truly a thanks to Anon/Anonymous who commented on Friday and Tuesday, thank you so much for inspiring me to keep going on this. Anyone else who commented or gave kudos thank you so much. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Anakin felt as though the world had shattered around him. A roar filled his ears, blood drained from his face and the world spun around him. Distantly he felt his Masters hand steady, but slightly trembling on his arm, a steadying presence as those two words rocked Anakin’s world to the core. Not even a year ago yet, he had lost his mother and consequently his mind for a short amount of time.

When the haze of rage and grief had faded, he had looked around in horror at the slaughtered bodies around him with increasing self-loathing. He remembered how his mind had flickered and suddenly instead of the Tuskans lying on the ground it was Padme and Obi-wan, his gorgeous, supportive friend and his beloved master lying on the sand, blood pooling around them, eyes blank, horrified and unseeing.

Another flicker and it had once again been the Tuskans in the sand. But Anakin had never forgotten it, and he had sworn that day that he would never be the cause for the people he loved wounds, even if it cost him his life and soul. When he had met Ashoka the young, bright, quirky girl had quickly wormed her way into being one of the few people Anakin would give the universe for.

But Obi-wan was always the strong one. The general, the leader, the one who was worth more than anything else to Anakin. So to hear those single two words thrown at him from the beautiful, broken man in front of him? Anakin didn’t know what to do, but cling to the

_the younger, not yet broken (or was he, no he couldn’t be Anakin **would know** , wouldn’t he? Or maybe he was not as broken as the man in front of them, **no** , stop) _

man beside him as his world shattered and he fell to his knees as the world faded from view and all he could feel was the **pain** in his **heart** and his very **soul** and his **mind**. The **horror** and the **pain** and the **self-loathing** as it all came to a crescendo and then came crashing down like a tidal wave.

 

Master Yoda felt his ears droop even further, and his eyes went round as the Master in front of them flung out two simple words at the young knight before them, and felt true shock for the first time in a very long time in his long existence. Closing his eyes, and bowing his head in dismay and allowed himself to sink into the force and listen to its words as it spoke more clearly then it had since Yoda himself had been a padawan.

 

_Listen to me_

it said

_For I shall tell you of my champion, for there where two. Not the bright, burning, blazing sun you turned to but the soft moon and stars, who guides the suns path. Who holds the earth on its path. I shall tell you of the Master the Protector the Defender not of the Knight the Fighter and Attacker for you already know his story. AND YOU SHALL LISTEN._

 

And Yoda sat and listened as it told him the story of the shattered soul before them

 

_There once was a man_ it said

_Who believed that his heart could bear the weight of the world_

_With his heart he tried to lift_

_With his arms he tried to hold it_

_With his shoulders he tried to bear it_

_But like all good men, he never stopped doing what killed him_

_And when he failed he fell to his knees_

_And written on his soul in scars inflicted by his own hand read the saddest of words_

_He Tried_

_But he was **not** Atlas_

_And he could **not** bear the weight of the world **alone**_

_But oh how he tried_

And Yoda wished to cry for he could see how the strong Master of the Jedi could break that way. Could see the evidence of what would and had happened standing in front of him. Broken, shattered and having been betrayed so many times-it was expected. Yoda had the horrifying thought that should the man before them ever find someone who truly cared? He would probably ask them “When do you leave?” Because in some way, he realised, they all did. But the Force continued unrelenting

_And I warned the knight long ago that this would happen_

_I said you’re in love with him yes_

_But here’s the best part_

_You love him more than your own life_

_But here’s the worst part_

_He loves you more than his own_

_But he did not listen_

_And so then I warned the Master_

_I said you cannot save him_

_And he said_

_I defy the **stars**. I defy **heaven** and **earth**. The very laws of the **universe** that say that the man I love is lost to me. _

_He says_

**_Watch me save him_ **

_He saved **me** first you know_

_And so I watched as my chosen fell and the other shattered. And you must stop this from happening again._

And Yoda listened.

 

 

Master Obi-wan Kenobi watched horrified as his padawan started to shake, eyes going unfocused and face pale and cursed himself for being so focused on how the doppelganger got into the council room to hear what the man had said to his beloved padawan.

He attempted to reach into his padawans mind to sooth him and find out what had happened to make the council so pale, to make master Windu shake and stare at the man as though he wanted to cry, what had hurt his padawan so, and make Master Yoda retreat further into the force than Obi-wan had ever seen.

But when he reached for the normally glowing gold bond he found to his horror it had begun to grow dim and grey, almost lifeless on Anakin’s side and the colour was slowly spreading along the bond as Anakin fell to his knees beside him, and the only thing he could hear along it as he shielded the gold part of the bond and withdrew to protect his own mind from the grey was a scream of horror, pain and denial.

When safely inside his own mind again, Obi-wan placed the gold part of the bond behind durasteel walls and shook with fear. Fear for himself, his motionless padawan and the future.

 

 

And his only thought was

_Force save us_

And although he did not expect a response, in the back of his mind a voice whispered softly

_I tried. And so did you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos, as comments are the life of this fic! Thank you for reading so far and i hope to see you next chapter!


	5. Shuk'la Nau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Cody is completely over it.  
> Mace Windu has not been this close to fainting or crying or screaming or all three since the start of the clone wars.  
> Vokara Che is praying for sanity.   
> And in the middle of all of this we have two Master Kenobi’s, one of which was an absolute mess in the force, and another who isn't faring much better. And a nearly catatonic Skywalker.   
> The force itself has its head in it's hands.   
> Gods help them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beautiful readers, kudos givers and beloved commentators!   
> You have given my both the inspiration and desire to update, and I really hope that you enjoy this chapter! I have recently uploaded some more stories, so feel fry to check those out and give them some love!   
> Thank you so much for reading you are all honestly amazing.

Commander Cody was currently fuming. His jetii had said that they were going to give a quick briefing to the Council and then go see Kix, but where they here? No.

It’ll be quick, they said.

Only a short debrief, they said.

We’ll be there soon, they said.

Talk to Ahsoka, they said. Then send her too if we’re still here, they said.

Well kriff them, Cody was leaving the Commander with Rex, and he was dragging his jetii to the medbay if he had to. He already had Rex and Healer Che on his side, so there was no way they were getting out of this. By now he had arrived at the council doors and slammed them open.

“My apologies for interrupting Masters, but- ** _what in ehn tracyn haran_**!

Cody must have hit his head. He rubbed at his eyes and then surveyed the scene again with the ease of one who had done it countless times before. Jedi Masters looking as though they were about to cry or faint, General Skywalker on his knees on the floor eyes unseeing, and two General Kenobi’s, one of whom was beside General Skywalker with a familiar look of determination on his face, and one standing near the front of the room swaying, looking at though he had lost everything and was prepared to keep fighting for it. Everyone looked startled at his interruption. The General Kenobi at the front was staring at him like he was about to cry. Not a look Cody liked on his General’s face.

Cody’s decision was made before he could blink

“Alright I don’t know what the **_kriff_** happened while I left you alone for **_five minutes_** , but you-”

he said pointing to the General near General Skywalker

“are still General Kenobi. And you-“

 He said pointing to the other one

 “you are Shuk'la Nau. At least for me, so that this even **vaguely** makes sense. And I do want an explanation, but it can kriffing wait. Now all three of you **_are coming with me to the medbay even if I have to drag you there!_ ** Understood? Good.”

That said he strode over to where General Skywalker was still on the floor, and pulled him upwards, shoving him into General Kenobi’s arms, snapping a quick “You carry him.” And then far more gently, turned to Shuk'la Nau. Very slowly and carefully he moved forward, conscious of the uncertainty on Shuk'la Nau’s face. Hopefully, Cody and his vod could heal the brokenness he now saw.

Then their Shuk'la Nau could go back to just being their Nau, their light. He wouldn’t stand for anything else.

“Shuk'la Nau” He called gently, mimicking how Waxer spoke to Numa. “Would you come with us? I swear we are just going to visit Healer Che or perhaps Healer Erin to look you over, sir. Then we can take you to your quarters-” He saw Shuk'la Nau’s face go even paler and quickly amended the statement “some quarters, sir and you can rest for a little while. Does that sound okay?”

This day, Cody decided was really straining Rule 3 of all Vod: If the Jedi are weird role with it.

 

Obi-Wan or the proclaimed Shuk'la Nau

_(broken light, now didn’t that name fit)_

was close to collapsing in tears and clutching at his

_(alive, alive, how was he alive, he had seen the blaster bolts hit him, seen him fall to the ground, fighting his own mind to protect his general)_

commander. He didn’t though, simply let the illusions voice wash over him, comforting but at the same time heartbreaking.

 Comforting because he got to hear his commander’s voice again. Both heartbreaking and agonizing because it was simply an illusion built by Vader from his own memories. But the Shuk'la Nau, who used to be Obi-Wan had no energy left to be angry, left to fight, and barely enough left to do anything but cry.

So, he let himself be led away by the gentle fake hand of his illusion-commander, and hid shaking behind his shields, unwilling to open himself to the force, to feel the death and destruction and darkness. Unknowing that all he would have felt was light and love.

 

Mace Windu had not felt this close to fainting, crying or possibly both since the start of the clone wars, when a clone trooper had turned up and said, Hello sir, I am CT-6454 although I prefer the name Ponds, if that is alright with you, and then proceeded to tell him how Skywalker had disobeyed orders, gone to Tattoine, Kenobi had discovered an army of clones, Kenobi had found the bounty hunter, Kenobi had got shot, Kenobi had gone to Genosis and got captured, Skywalker had taken the senator to Genosis and got them both captured, Dooku was a sith, Dooku had a droid army, and Master Yoda’s asking if you can come? Sir?

Overall not a good day.

At all.

Anyway. So now he had to deal with _two_ Kenobi’s, the force screeching in his ear, several over-protective clones, a most likely panicking Padawan Tano, an angry Healer Che, a dramatic Skywalker as always, and all of this without coffee.

“Ponds,” he said into his commlink, with a sigh “Cancel all my arrangements today. I’m going to go hide in my quarters with the lights out and pretend the world doesn’t exist for a few hours.”

It spoke a lot about his commander that he simply accepted this and said that Mace could do so as long as he agreed to watch a holo-drama with the men sometime.

Would it, Mace wondered, be too much to ask, if for a few hours he could simply be away from the Kenobi-Skywalker drama. It probably was, but that hadn’t stopped him before, and he was damned if it would stop him now.

 

 

Healer Vokara Che was about to lose it. The only person with any sense around here seemed to be Commander Cody, and after the man had gone to fetch Kenobi and Skywalker, he had returned with two Master Kenobi’s, one of which was an absolute mess in the force, and another who wasn’t much better. And a nearly catatonic Skywalker.

This was not what she signed up for when she became a healer. Anyhow.

Her consolidation was that at least the Commander looked as harried and upset about it. He seemed to mostly be reassuring the more……shattered of the two Kenobi’s. After placing Skywalker and mostly functioning Kenobi onto medbeds and setting Healer Erin on them, she turned back to Cody and not functioning Kenobi. She sighed to herself when she took a proper look at them and realised that it would most likely need a softer approach. Locking eyes with the Commander she took a step forward and began to speak.

“Hello Obi-wan. Can I call you Obi-wan?”

She got a minute head-shake in response. Okay then. This was going to be both a long and tough conversation.

“Then what would you like for me to call you?”

He looked at her blankly before slowly replying, quite obviously hesitant.

“Ben…I…I think I would like to be called Ben if that’s okay. Cody can call me Shuk'la Nau though. So can the rest of the 212th. And 501st.”

Alright she could work with this.

“Okay Ben. I’m just going to run a few scans okay? I’m not going to touch you, and you don’t need to move. Is that alright?”

She got a minute nod in response. Progress. She’d have to do a scan for injuries, age, general health and……taking a second look at him decided a soul scan may actually be necessary. War was hell but this…this was worse damage then even she had ever seen.

She was quite while taking the scans, the only sound the soft beeps of machines and quite murmurs of the Commander talking to Kenobi. What she found when the results of the scans came back took her breath away.

 

Two fractured ribs. Intense lightsabre scaring, most of it going from his right shoulder to left hip. How he survived that was both a mystery and miracle. Scars littered across his body, shrapnel, blaster bolt scars, you name it, it was there. Age scan reported that this Kenobi had about a year and a half on the Kenobi in the other room. Not long for such an amount of damage to occur.  General health was about the same as the injury scan, but for some reason reported back intense dehydration of the skin, like one would get after being to close to a fire for to long. Weird.

But the soul scan.

The soul scan was the worst.

The vibrant blue, silvers and golds that made up Obi-Wan Kenobi’s soul were so muted you could barely tell they were there. It had faded into shades of grey, and radiated agony.

But the worst thing was that the whole thing looked like it was falling apart.

Cracks snaked across his soul like a spiderweb. For a single crack to occur in a person’s soul something has to happen to either cause them a mass of grief or loss of love, the levels forbidden to Jedi or to have shaken their very core beliefs to the point where they fractured. It was both terrifying and awe-inspiring. Surviving such damage should have been impossible, let alone remain standing and functioning. The worst wound was were his heart would be on his body and sent cracks all over his soul. Those ones were new. Someone had truly smashed his heart and ground the pieces to fine powder to bring out that response.

Taking a deep breath, she turned back to the two men on the bed, walking over bracing herself for their reactions to her news.

“I have got the results back. Your injures I must admit are extensive, but can mostly be easily healed. Mostly. But the ones I am most worried about is the results of your soul scan. It-it-it shows-your soul it’s-it’s shattered. I don’t know what else to say but I’m sorry. With time it might recover but…”

Ben looked up. “That’s okay. It’s been like this for what seems like forever now, but probably only a few hours I suppose. If anything, I deserve it for failing in such a way.”

Vokara had no idea what he was talking about, but she didn’t like it. By the frown etching itself on Cody’s face neither did he. Ben looked up, almost seeming bewildered at their reactions.

“What? I do. And is it alright if I go to the bathroom?”

Vokara waved him off with barely a thought, mind buried in possible reasons for one of the most confident people she had ever met to be so self-deprecating. She vaguely noted Cody’s vehement denial of Ben’s wrong doings and Ben surprise before Ben left for the bathroom, leaving Vokara and Cody both left in their own thoughts. At some point Cody stood up with a frown and left. Vokara didn’t really notice until he skidded back into the room panic etched onto his face, panting.

“He’s _gone!_ Ben’s gone!”

Vokara didn’t even notice the datapad falling from her lap and crashing to the floor as she stood, and sent a temple wide distress signal through the Force.

They had to find him. Vokara would be damned before she let more harm come to the already injured man. He was under her wing now. And hell would be brought to all who stood in her way.

 

 

Ben was honestly amazed at the detail in this illusion. He wouldn’t have thought he would have remembered this much, but he supposed that if you combined his memories with Ana-Vader’s they would be pretty accurate. He hadn’t thought that either of them would have been to the lower levels enough for them to be in such detail but they were. Grime, darkness, criminals and all.

And the lower levels were exactly were he was wandering right now.

He didn’t know how long he had been here, wandering alone aimlessly. He just couldn’t stay in the illusion of the Temple anymore, not when all he could see was smoke and black ash and screams echoing from both sides. The beautiful white marble tiles of the fake healers wing had flickered red before his eyes and so he had made some excuse he couldn’t remember and fled.  Part of him felt bad for fake Cody and fake Che like that but he knew that they weren’t real. But it had been sweet of fake Cody to pretend to be so kind. Realistic too. He supposed that was why it had been done.

And Ben was tired, both mentally and physically. And it was whilst he was wandering, thoughts twisting and turning like broken shards of stained glass, he literally ran into someone. Looking up into the yellowy-brown eyes of Count Dooku, Ben had to fight to not start laughing hysterically. Instead he simply smiled something broken and wrong, and said “Well hello there Count. How are you on this fine-”

He got cut off by a hand gently taking hold of his chin and tilting it so that he once again was looking the Dooku in the eyes. But instead of the lightsabre to the gut he expected

_(and would that actually hurt, because last time he got cut in half by a lightsabre all he had felt was the pain of his heart and soul being ripped to shreds. Probably. Vader had been incredibly cruel so far, so why would this be an exception)_

a soft voice filled his ears.

“What happened to you?”

Great. So now even fake Dooku could tell that there was something wrong with him. Of course there had to be as why else would Anakin do this to him? What other reason to fall would he have but Ben’s own failings? He let out a bitter, broken laugh, edging towards hysterical.

“I lost everything _Count_.  Everything I ever loved and believed in when one man decided that the galaxy would burn. I lost **_everything_**! Even him…” By now there were tears pouring down his face as his voice broke on the last sentence. Another wave of exhaustion slammed into him and he swayed on his feet. He only had a second to have the hysterical thought of how perhaps collapsing would cut the pain off. If only for a second.

Then he crumpled downwards, only left with an impression of arms catching him, unaware that he was now captured by an intrigued Count Dooku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thank you for reading! Kudos will be loved and comments will be hoarded and loved for eternity. Honestly comments are what drive this fic so please leave your thoughts!   
> You are awsome!  
> Just a warning to those new to this fic, updates will be sparse.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I think we all feel for poor Obi-wan here. And maybe a touch for Anakin. But never for Vader. Never for Vader. Now don't get too mad but *Hides from heart-broken, angry Star Wars fans* it will get worse before it gets better. But please stick with me, keep reading and kudos and comment, they make my day.


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